Old Ladies Have Terrible Materia
by Speedy Speck
Summary: The Ninja steals some Materia with terrible consequences...One-Shot...Written for 'The Sacred and Profane'


Disclaimer: Final Fantasy VII does not belong to me...however much I may like it to. I own no characters, places etc. etc. so please don't sue me! I'm a nice person :)

Author's Note: This is my twenty-first fanfic...it's another RenoxYuffie...And it was requested by 'The Sacred and Profane'...Hope it's good! :) PLEASE review as I really enjoy reading your views and they inspire me to get better! It would make me very very happy! Anyway stop reading this and get on with reading the fic! Hope you enjoy! :D

''Reno…don't just stand there, help me!''

''Yo…sorry but, do I know you?'' The red head looked at the frail old woman in front of him, trying to work out why she was on his door step.

''I'm Yuffie you jerk!'' Her voice was croaky and strained.

He raised a rather suspicious eyebrow, ''Sure you are…and I'm Rufus Shin-Ra...listen lady I think maybe you got a little bump on your head…or you've escaped from a hospital...or a mental home, but how about I take you back?''

"Oh my Gawd! Reno it is me! Yuffie, the greatest ninja and the best Materia thief…I mean hunter ever! Well I was…but now I'm this…wrinkled beast! And at one last attempt to prove it to you…'' She took a deep, rather shaky breath, ''I know that on your left butt cheek you have a tattoo that you got whilst out drinking with Rude that says 'R&R forever'!''

The Turk's face turned quite pale and then flushed bright crimson, ''Yo ok, ok I believe you…but...what the hell happened?...''

Yuffie sighed, ''Ok well…''

* FLASHBACK*

The old woman was definitely carrying Materia…no doubt about it. Yuffie was trained to spot this type of thing. The small, round bump that formed in the folds of the fabric hanging from the woman's waist seemed to call to the young ninja.

…_I can't steal from a frail old woman…right? Though…I guess it would be easy…and she's probably gunna croak soon…she doesn't really have any use for Materia…She'd probably want me to have it…_

The young ninja hovered around the woman for quite sometime, if it had been someone less…pathetic she would have been long gone by now, with a pocket full of Materia…but this was different…

_For gawd's sake Yuffie…you're a Materia hunter…just do it…she won't even care…she's probably senile…she probably doesn't even know she has Materia…_

Yuffie had made up her mind. She was going to take it. She had to keep up her reputation after all.

As soon as her hand touched the glowing crystallized Mako in the old woman's pocket she knew it had been a mistake. Within the space of five seconds she found, much to her astonishment she had switched bodies with the woman, and now lay in a crumpled heap on the floor.

*END FLASHBACK*

"So you see! We need to find that stupid lady…who now looks like me and make her change me back! I can't live like this…I can't steal…I can't run…and I have terrible arthritis…''

''Well what did she do?''

''She laughed...and then ran off, and I couldn't catch her…not with these legs!''

''Yo calm down…babe.'' The Turk seemed hesitant to use the word, she was hardly a babe any more.

''We need to go and find my body...I don't like this...I don't like this at all...I smell terrible!''

The red head gave Yuffie a quick sniff and crinkled his nose, ''Hm...you smell of cat's...and medicine...not a turn on...''

The old woman attempted to kick Reno in the knee, but couldn't get her leg up that high. ''This totally sucks...''

''Yo well you shouldn't steal from old ladies should you...maybe it's karma getting it's own back...''

''Hm...well if I ever get turned back I promise never to steal Materia from old ladies again...or little babies for that matter...I mean it can't be any better...''

* * *

The Turk and the old woman then spent the day walking around Edge. Well the Turk walked, whilst Yuffie hobbled behind him, yelling at youngsters for no apparent reason. They had nearly given up hope when Reno caught sight of a familiar body. The young girl seemed to be sitting on a bench, eating a huge tub of ice cream.

Yuffie was the first to speak, ''Hey you...stop eating that...you'll give me love handles!''

''What my...girlfriend meant to say is, she's very sorry for stealing your Materia, isn't that right...sweetie?''

Yuffie hesitated a few seconds, ''...fine, I'm very very sorry I stole from you...''

A grin played across the young girl's face, ''Oh no don't be sorry, I want to thank you! I've been waiting for someone like you to come along…I cursed that Materia a while ago... I was growing tired of that form...so old...ergh! Any way, then you came along and I got this great new body!...I had hoped for one with bigger...assets, but beggars can't be choosers!''

''But you can't have that body...it's my body...don't you have any morals?..I mean don't you feel bad?''

The young girl smirked at Yuffie, ''No way! You deserve it for stealing from an old lady...so don't talk to me about morals! You brought this on yourself...'' She turned towards the red head. "Well hello handsome…how about you come home with me…I mean you don't want to spend the rest of your youth with an old wrinkly thing like her…do you?''

The Turk looked from the young girl, to the old woman, with a rather to thoughtful expression for Yuffie's liking.

_He can't be considering this..._ ''But…Reno…you can't…''

''She's right Yuffie...you brought this on yourself...'' And with that he turned and started walking away, arm in arm with the young girl.

''But...'' Yuffie just stood there in shock, unable to move, or think.

* * *

''AH!'' The ninja shot up from the mattress so quickly that the red head lying next to her gave a small yelp, and fell straight off the bed and onto the floor with a thud.

_It was a dream…_ The girl, looked at her hands and felt her face, to be sure she was free of wrinkles.

"Yo, babe…it's the middle of the night…what are you doing?" The Turk rubbed one of his eyes, with a slightly confused yet annoyed expression.

"…I just had the most horrible dream!" The young girl pulled the duvet close to her chest and clutched at it as if to comfort herself.

"Oh really, was it about a world where I didn't exist?'' He flashed her a cheeky grin, before climbing back into the bed.

"No…well kinda…but...basically I stole some Materia from this old lady and-" She stopped when she noticed the outraged look on her boyfriend's face.

"I can't believe you'd steal from an old woman…'' He shook his head as he spoke.

"It was a dream Reno!…Anyway, it put a curse on me and we swapped bodies…and then, you didn't want me any more and you went off with her!'' Tears had started to well up in the young girl's eyes.

Seeing how upset she was the Turk edged closer and pulled her to face him. ''Now you listen to me, I'm planning on being with you for a long time to come, in fact I'd very much like to spent the rest of my life with you, so I'll be quite happy to one day have an old, grey, wrinkly Yuffie. I love you for you. Not for your body…however...nice it is...'' The red head's eyes wandered down the young girl's figure before turning his attention back to her rather amused face.

''I love you too Reno...however dirty your mind is...'' And with that she curled up beside him and gave him an intimate kiss before settling back down, gathering comfort from the warmth of his body.

* * *

A/N= And it was all a dream…I kinda hate myself for doing that…but only a little bit :)


End file.
